The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
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