my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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