She said her name was "party"
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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