How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
