bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Randomize
