I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
