But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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