I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
