omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
