working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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