doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
