All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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