You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
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