I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
