ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
