you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
