Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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