it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
he shaved USA in his pubs
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
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