I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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