Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
