So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Hippo gnu deer
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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