I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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