I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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