thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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