is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
