Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
