Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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