It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Randomize
