If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
