you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
