I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
