We're like a lot better than the average bears
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
