new low.... made out with someone while peeing
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
