bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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