And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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