i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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