I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize