go do what you do best...puke behind churches
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
