I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
areolas are like halos for boobs.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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