Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you donโt have to recycle anymore ๐๐
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