Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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