Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
