awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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