bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
