I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
