Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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