Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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