i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I wish you could order shots online.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Everything about him screamed your future.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
