My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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