Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
