Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
