just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
He felt like a one man threesome
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
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