The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Randomize
