You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
