WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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