As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
