I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
