The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Randomize
