Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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