I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
