I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
