Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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