Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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