you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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