she looked like the bat from fern gully.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
