my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
